Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Reco Very Soon

Getting sick is not good for my health—mental and emotional health, that is. While I’m resting my body, my mind continues to run at full-throttle. Which is why I preoccupy it with books and movies and stuff, otherwise I’d get antsy and bored staying in one place and I’d want to change my environment just to keep my mind stimulated.

So while on sick leave I finished a book, watched the classic film The Philadelphia Story and read the newspapers front and back. But that was not enough; I still got too antsy. So I snuck out and watched Batman Returns for good measure (besides, I had to watch it first before reading Badinggerzie’s version in his blog).

Still, it wasn’t very good for me to read a book about a kid with Asperger Syndrome and identify mightily with him. Reading about Christopher, how very logical and very matter of fact he is, and how emotionally disconnected too, and I thought, gee, how come I feel like him? Of course I don’t have Asperger Syndrome, and I can connect emotionally with people, but there are times when I feel like I can’t handle my emotions and I’d like to detach them from me otherwise I might go gaga or implode. At times I’d just like to rely on my mind and not my heart because at least with the mind I’m in control but with my heart I’m at a loss and I get hurt easily.

Then watching Katharine Hepburn, Cary Grant and James Stewart in The Philadelphia Story didn’t help me any because Katharine Hepburn plays this rich girl about to get married for the second time and her first husband Cary Grant and other characters in the movie point out to her that she’s this perfectionist who is has everything except an understanding heart and she tells her husband-to-be, “I don’t want to be worshiped, I want to be loved” and only James Stewart sees through her tough façade because he too is hiding under a tough mask.

And then watching a man run around Gotham City hiding under a mask didn’t help any. (But in fairness, it was a good Batman movie. Loved the Batmobile.)

So there I was tearing myself down again, alternating between feeling sorry for myself and feeling angry at myself for feeling sorry, and then feeling uncertain as to what I was feeling. If you’re confused, imagine how I feel. The only bright spot happened when my younger brother gave me a CD of three songs from the group Kiko Machine. They’re UP Fine Arts graduates who formed a band and have this outrageous live act. They all wear orange jumpsuits except for their bass guitarist who wears a Spiderman costume. I suspect they’re best appreciated live than on CD, which is why I heard they were a big hit at the Fete. Still, their song “MacGyver” makes me giggle:

“Suka’t toyo, nagagawang bomba.
Lumang tubo, kayang gawing bazooka.
Lumang bumbiliya, nagagawang granada.
Wala pa ring tatalo kay MacGyver, ultimate problem solver!”

I think I need an ultimate problem solver. Can anyone recommend a good MacGyver? I need one ASAP.


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