Monday, May 23, 2005

The Last Luke

Folks, let me take you through the thinking behind my decisions re. Luke.

Let me state that I value trust and being true to oneself. What I find disturbing is that Luke used someone else’s picture and then lied to me about it.

• I can understand if someone is hesitant to reveal his real identity on the net; that’s just being prudent and cautious. Most people use pseudonyms instead of their real names. But there’s a difference between withholding information and false information.
• I am also open-minded enough to allow for the possibility that he may be someone who’s so insecure about his looks that he doesn’t want to show his face (fear of rejection is something we all can relate to). But I know of people who because of their not-so-positive attitude towards their looks (and they declare it so openly), they resort to creative ways to “mask” their faces: cropping, pixelizing, blurring, or even using cartoons characters instead. For the lazy ones, a “no pic provided” suffices. Again, the difference between prudence and deception.
• Had Luke confessed the truth when I asked him about the picture for the first time, I’d have given him points for being up-front and honest. But he chose to deceive me instead. If he wants to start with a double lie, then he should take responsibility for his actions. All our choices have consequences. Unfortunately for him, I discovered the truth before he could gather the courage to tell me.

And that was how I arrived at the decision to not text him back last Friday.

Sunday afternoon found the McVie family enjoying Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith at Shangri-la Mall. It was my second time, and truth be told, I actually enjoyed the movie more on second screening. In the middle of the scene where Palpatine was seducing Anakin, I received a text message.

Luke: I really d0nt kn0w what am i g0ing to say.. But im begging y0u. Pls forgive me.. Im really really sorry..

I waited until we finished the movie before I replied.

McVie: I know you are sorry. I just want to know why you lied.

Luke: Im really sorry. Mapapatawad mo bako? Can y0u give me a 2nd chance. Im really really sorry.. Pls forgive me..

What’s with the double periods?

McVie: I can forgive you, but first I need to know why you lied.

Luke: Bec i love y0u. I dnt want to l0se you. Its hard to explain but its true. I do rely l0ve y0u.

Love? Love? Infatuated, interested, intrigued, smitten, taken—heck, even “crush” will do! But love? This early, after two meetings? There’s a difference between flattery and groveling. Besides, I believe he misunderstood what I meant because he obviously was referring to making up the story about the thesis defense. So to clarify further, I replied.

McVie: No, your first lie was using someone else’s picture. That was done BEFORE you met me. Why fake your pic?

This was around 4:30 in the afternoon. It took him several hours to reply. At 7:38 pm, I received a text message.

Luke: Sorry tlga. Sorry kung gumamit ako ng ibang pic. Mahirap i explain. Sana makausap kta ng pers0nal para maexplain kung maay0s. Kung ok lng syo. Patawarin mo ko

I received it while I was watching the DVD of The Empire Strikes Back. I was looking for the scene which Lucas inserted in this latest DVD incarnation—the scene in which the Emperor tells Darth Vader that the young boy which destroyed the Death Star was a Skywalker, ergo the son of Anakin. In the original movie that wasn’t in the scene; in fact, the actor playing the Emperor was a different one! But I digress. I finished the movie first before I decided I’ll answer him tomorrow instead.

This morning I received another text message at 8:58am.

Luke: Gud m0rning! Am h0me n0w and ab0ut to sleep. Again i do apologize sa lahat ng gnawa ko syo. H0pe mapatawad mo ako. I luv u. I d0nt want to l0se u. Sory.

This is getting tiring and repetitious. This is what I plan to tell him: Yes, I can forgive you for lying. But I do not know if I can trust you.

I will forgive Luke. But if he wants to prove to me that he’s worthy of my trust, well, the ball is in his court. But the more important question is: will I allow him the chance?

On the one hand people deserve a second chance. On the other hand I don’t need every Tom, Dick or Luke who contacts me to be part of my life. In fact it’s easy to cut Luke off because there are no deep ties which bind us. Deleting Luke will be painless and effortless. And I won’t have any regrets.

When you reach a certain age you learn to be more discriminating of the people you associate with. And I’ve also learned how to let go. I’m reminded of what Yoda said in Revenge of the Sith: “Attachment leads to jealousy, the shadow of greed!” (Shit, I’m now quoting a green alien with reversed sentence structure. Okay, I’ll quote Sting instead: “If you love somebody, set them free.” Hmmm, a songwriter whose lyrics sometimes border on the pretentious and perplexing—I’ll just stick to Yoda.)

Of the people I’ve met via the net (like Nelz, Kervs, Phillip, Jong, Olive, and more), all of them have turned out to be genuine people who have not resorted to falsifying who they are just for the sake of making me like them. I’m sure I don’t know them that thoroughly yet. It’s possible that I’ll find out things about them that I won’t necessarily like. Nor will we always agree on everything.

There are so many people out there who are honest and true to themselves. I’d rather waste my time on them that waste my time on someone who, to the best of my abilities, I can say this much: there’s a kid whom he loves very much. But as to the real identity of that kid and the leukemia story—well, everything he said is suspect.

But for those who are interested to take him under their care, I can always give you his cellphone number. Don’t bother looking for him in DL, he’s already pulled out his account.

11 Comments:

Blogger Mr. Schizophrenic said...

Love?! He loves you already?! That's weird man! Geesh! :(

2:01 PM  
Blogger McVie said...

Grabe ang bilis mo mag-comment! I added a paragraph that I thought of while getting lunch. So you can re-read the episode. :-)

2:11 PM  
Anonymous Phillip said...

Kaya pala super familiar yung pic niya...! Kase, nasa list ko rin yung "pic" niya! Hehehe. My gadddds. You got a psycho suitor, McVie.

May the force be with you!

7:05 PM  
Blogger McVie said...

Phillip: So you saw his pic before he pulled out his account, eh? Di ba?! Hay naku.

9:27 PM  
Anonymous XP said...

Love on two meetings? Ni wala man lang sex? How pathetic can he get?

If you guys had sex, mas maiintindihan ko pa siguro kung bakit may attachment.

2:46 AM  
Blogger olive said...

2 words: damn creepy.

6:36 AM  
Blogger McVie said...

OLIVE: Two words: damn right.

12:41 PM  
Anonymous Phillip said...

2 words: Chukchak Chenes.

1:31 PM  
Blogger McVie said...

2 words: Mizz moh!

2:10 PM  
Blogger Nelson said...

2 more words: deadma na!

3:45 AM  
Blogger McVie said...

2 last words: Stop this! :-)

12:00 PM  

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