Tuesday, June 28, 2005

The End?

I have been sort of “seeing” someone for several months now. The reason I’ve been quiet about it is that he’s with someone right now. Yes, he sees me on the side. At first I didn’t mind seeing him from time to time only. We’ve expressed our mutual attraction to each other, and twice we’ve gone beyond first base. But given the situation he’s in and the circumstances when we meet, often we just end up flirting and fondling, nothing more.

I’ve asked him point-blank, “Aren’t you bothered that you’re cheating on your boyfriend?” But he asked me back, “Are you bothered?” I said I wasn’t, because the attraction was purely physical. For his part he said, “So long as no one gets hurt, I’m okay with it.” So we kept our meetings light and bubbly, very relaxed with no expectations, no strings attached.

But then months passed. Last month I arranged to see him, he begged off at the last minute—family duties, he said. I was miffed, but I chalked it up to the last-minuteness of his cancellation. We rescheduled. Two days before our meeting, he cancelled again, because this time his boyfriend was going to take him out on a date the same day we were meeting. Strike two. This time I got into a funk. Suddenly I was asking myself, “Why can’t he make time for me?” and that caught me off-balance. Goodness gracious, was I developing deeper feelings for him? Was I getting too close? Was I going beyond the physical?

I’ve been spinning the problem round and round in my head. The most logical thing to do is for me to pull back and out. He gets to have his cake and eat it too; his boyfriend, so long as he remains ignorant, will be in bliss. Me? I am on the lousy end of the deal.

Next time I see him, I will tell him: sorry, but let’s just remain friends. And if being friends is still too painful for me, then it is best for me to stay away. It’s not an easy thing to do, but heck, I’ve been there, done that, bought the original cast recording soundtrack.

Some things are not meant to be at this time.

Good times for a change.
See, the luck I’ve had
Can make a good man turn bad.

So please, please, please,
Let me, let me, let me,
Let me get what I want this time.

Haven’t had a dream in a long time.
See, the life I’ve had
Can make a good man bad.

So for once in my life
Let me get what I want.
Lord knows, it would be the first time.

(The Smiths)


Blogger Nadriamez said...

hey, thanks for linking me up to your show hehehe..
anyway, bout being a third party, i think you're right, basta no one gets hurt. falling in love? and getting too close, medyo dapat pang pag-isipan, you might hurt yourself in the end..

yun lang po


11:47 PM  
Blogger Kervin said...

As much as it's in my opinion (and maybe only in mine) being the third leg is a bad thing and should be avoided whether people wont get hurt, it happens and people are always responsible for their own actions. I know you're a responsible type of guy and know what you're doing so all I can say is good luck, at least in this.

1:01 AM  
Blogger nam said...

love & politics, get get awwww!

2:06 AM  
Blogger sky said...

So you're Pretty in Pink today.

8:04 AM  
Blogger McVie said...

JAMES: So long as I don't get emotionally involved, I won't get hurt; kaso yun na nga eh, I think I'm getting emotional na. So time for me to pull back.

KERVS: Yes, people may get hurt, especially if his boyfriend finds out. The question I'm asking myself right now is: is it okay for me to be an accessory to a cheating? (Hahaha, now I feel like Garci. Gwen Garci.)

NAM: Yeah, love and politics make strange bedfellows.

SKY: Hahaha. I don't have anything in pink, but I feel pretty today.

12:18 PM  

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