Monday, November 07, 2005

I’m Just Not That Into It

“It” is the book He’s Just Not That Into You. After all the hullabaloo I heard about it, I decided to read Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo’s bestseller and see what the fuss was all about. It’s a very easy read; at 165 pages long, one can breeze through it in less than a day.

The book is subtitled The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys, and three-fourths of the book mostly Greg clueing girls on the different kinds of excuses guys make when they’re not really into her. Greg, an admitted former bad boy, mines his past to slap women silly when they waste precious time with their girlfriends trying to “figure out” the guys they are seeing (Liz provides the skeptical female perspective and asks Greg questions for further clarification). One just has to read the chapter titles to know the excuses: He’s not that into you if he’s not asking you out; …if he’s not dating you; …if he’s having sex with someone else (duh!); …if he’s breaking up with you (double-duh!); and so on.

But you don’t need to reach halfway into the book for you to figure out that while majority of the book talks about “he”, the real focus of the book is in “you”. Greg’s basic premise is simple: women should be into themselves so that they won’t settle for guys who aren’t into them. Get it?

The book’s simple objective is to help single women—like the girls in Sex and the City where Liz is a writer of the show—try and understand the men they are dating. Greg insists that men aren’t all that complicated; if a woman needs to “figure him out” then most probably he’s not that into her. What happens after you meet the man who’s into you, how to sustain a long-term relationship, well, that’s for other books to tackle.

The book’s all well and good—if you’re a straight woman. A gay man however has to sift through the book to be able to get stuff that’ll be relevant to homosexuals. For example: Greg’s philosophy presupposes that women have to be optimistic a right guy will come along. This is all well and good because women have 90% of the men to choose from. But what about us gays in the 10% zone? We have fewer guys to choose from (this gives me a convenient explanation why I’m still single).

Also, Greg is so optimistic that he believes it’s better to be lonely or alone than to be with someone who “makes you feel shitty or doesn’t honor the person you are.” So how does one cope with loneliness? The book isn’t much help.

In the end we can look at the hetero world for lessons, but I believe we still need to make our own rules and define our own standards. All in all He’s Just Not That Into You is a good read for all of our smart, single women friends. Meanwhile, we need our own Greg and Liz to write our pink version.


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