Thursday, November 24, 2005

Disorder in the Court

(When nothing much is happening in your life, post something that’s been passed around via email.)

These are from a book called Disorder in the Court. They are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. Some of these are excellent—don’t miss the last one.

*****

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

*****

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

*****

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

*****

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

*****

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

*****

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

*****

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

*****

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

*****

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

*****

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

*****

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, never the less?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

2 Comments:

Blogger Ree said...

oh my

12:52 AM  
Anonymous the bee said...

LOL this had me grinning. V. nice, McVie.

6:50 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home