Badinggerzie: The McVie Interview

McVIE: Bakla! Type mo bang magpa-interview sa The McVie Show?

BADINGGERZIE: Uy! Surelybelles!

Keri ko ang exenang yanchie!

Keri?

Keri!

Join lang ng join marce! send lang ng send for more!

Waitsiva kez yung mga shornong everlacks mey!

McV: Sige, let’s start. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, the one, the only... BADINGGERZIE!!! Okay, you've mentioned that your name is really Bernard, although you call yourself Bernadette. So how do you want me to call you—Bernadette or Badinggerzie?

BADINGGERZIE: Mas keri siguro kung Bernz na lang ang ishorwag mo sa ‘ken.

McV: Any reason why you chose the name “Badinggerzie”? Were you a fan of Kojie Kabuto? I was expecting you to be more of an Aphrodite A fan.

BERNZ: Badinggerzie kase. Garcia ang apelyido kez. Ngayon sa angkan namen before. akez lang ang nag-iisang bakla. Ang nag-iisang BADING na GARCIA . . . BADINGGARCIA . . . BADINGGERZIE!

McV: TARUSH ka sister! By the way, okey lang ba na Inglesera ang lola mo sa mga tanong? Ay bahala na nga, English, Spanish, Japanese, Pilipino, Negro... basta nagkakaintindihan tayo. :-)

Teka, if I may be so bold as to ask a lady... how old are you na nga ba?

BERNZ: oi! i'm not that old pa ah. wa pa akez sa mid-life crisis. choz! seriously, i'm turning 25 this year. SCORPIO . . . .

McV: Scorpio? Pareho kayo ni Miss Canada Nelz Agustin! Do you believe in horoscopes, what they say about Scorpios? Swak ba sa iyo?

BERNZ: Well, hindi sa nananalig akez ng fatalle sa mga horoscope eclavu pero parang mahal ko ang pagiging scorpio ko at dahil swak sa banga ang mga eksena sa 'ken ng astrology. Siguro nagkakataon lang pero kakatuwa siya da 'vah? (e.g aggresive daw akez pero virginal! choz!)

McV: Hahaha! Scorpios are supposed to be passionate, and your encounter with Boy Next Door certainly proved that.

You said a while back that you're the one and only gay Garcia. But with your younger bruthra, not anymore, hehehe. How are you taking that fact nowadays?

BERNZ: Well about my bruderrete. As of the moment, nile-learn ko pang tanggapin. Pero ngayon, feeling ko eh nag-kakaintindihan naman na kame. Even though, na hindi kami nag-uusap tungkol sa mga bagay na yon (pa) . . . Pero I'm hoping na maging open kami sa isa't isa later in life. Para maging happier ang relationship namen.

McV: How old na ba is your bruderrete?

BERNZ: Nick (bruderrete) is 19. Third Year college sa FEU.

McV: Bata pa nga siya. He could be on an experimentation phase.

BERNZ: Well, yeah, bata pa nga si Nick, pero he is in the right age naman na para magdecide kung anez ang mas bet niya . . . kipay . . . o nota. Pero siya na ang bahala 'don.

McV: Bongga, bonggayshuz, bongdimayacyac! Let's go now to your uber-popular megablockbuster hit, Third Sex In The City. Congratulations sister, panalo ang blog mo. Tell us, when you first thought of putting up that blog, did you have any inkling of how popular it has become?

BERNZ: Well, nagsimula yang exenang blog na yan kay DEMENTIA, isang long-time friend. Natuwa ako dun sa concept ng blog-bloggan ever. Sabi ko bakit hindi ko kaya i-try. Kasi infairness ung DEMENTIA kase eh may pagka-writer talaga. Ako naman, najisip ko na journal itey da 'vah? Diary . . . so ang eksena ko lang eh isulat ang mga nangyayari sa life ko na walang pag-iimbot at buong katotohan.

Well, hindi ko alam kung pano mo masasabe na popular ba ang blog or not but then, yung mga "site administrator" ko, sila yung mga gumagawa ng mga chenes-chenes. Sila din yung nagchika na promising daw yung mga unang entries ko. Ako naman kiver.

Hanggang sa hayun na, napansin kong andaming nakakarelate, andaming natutuwa, and its music to my ears . . . or rather candy to my eyes . . . na makita kong may mga taong napapsaya or nahihipo kez kahit papaano.

McV: Sister, just to show you how wide-spread you've become: in our company electronic bulletin board (accessible via email), meron nag-post doon nung "1 gay + 1 gay = 2 gay" mo! At girl ang nag-post!

BERNZ: ganon ba? hmmmm. dapat bang ipa-copyright ko na itez. choz!

keri lang yun naman ang bet ko. ang makapagpatawa . . . .

McV: Okay, so you said “isulat ang mga nangyayari sa life ko na walang pag-iimbot at buong katotohan.” Now, I really love the way you write, both in form (the vhaklur-speak is just so hilarious) and in content (your exploits can be made into a sitcom). But trullilee, don't you take liberties with the facts and twist them a bit just to make for a better narrative flow? Or are the events really as true-to-life as you've written them down?

BERNZ: With regards to how the words are written . . . . they were written the way it happened . . . . pero heto na . . . . . feeling ko nagiging mabenta lang siya kasi nasusulat ko kung ano ang iniisip ko nung mga time na yon, or if not, kung what came to my mind after that event.

I do not twist the facts, yung facts eh still facts, what I do is put my "soliloquys" or "musings" in words and write them down. the thing is, kung ano talaga ng nasa isip ko, yun yung sinusulat ko. I guess that’s what makes everything so happy . . . walang keme. walang kaplastikan.

One example eh yung conversation ko with NICK. Yun talaga yung pinag-uusapan namin pero nasa isip ko, eh parang meron kaming subliminal conversation. But it does not necessarily mean that it happened that way. Yun lang ang naglaro sa utak ko. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang nasa utak ni Nick.

McV: True, your internal monologue is what's really hilarous clinton! Wow, kung ganoon you really have a very colorful life. So when did you first know that you are attracted to guys? How young were you?

BERNZ: Third year high school ako 'non 'nung na-felt ko yung tingly feeling sa kapwa ko menchus. Katulad nga ng sinabi ko sa "Bakla, Bakla, Paano ka Ginawa" entry (http://badinggerzie.blogspot.com/2005/04/bakla-bakla-paano-ka-ginawa.html), mahabang proseso iyun. Pero feeling ko yung attraction ko kay Nikolai, yung first love ko, eh ang nag-udyok sa 'keng magladlad ng kapa at aminin sa sarili ko na bading ako.

McV: Your blog’s title is Third Sex In The City. Were you always a city girl, born and raised in Manila?

BERNZ: Actually no, nantuntong lang ako dito sa Maynila 'nung mag-kolehiyo akez. At wit akong balak shumonders diters.

McV: Where would you want to move on after Manila?

BERNZ: Siguro . . . . after dito . . pag mayamang-mayaman na akez (echoz) . . . . move na akez sa SUBIC, (may mga friends kasi akong taga-don) or KATIKLAN . . . somewhere remote . . . kung minsan super jisip ko pang flychu na langchie sa Basco, Batanes ever, more welcome sa bagyo and more join sa Taiwan radio stations.

McV: Ganda! Badinggerzie with the sheeps in Batanes! I know that your many fans are intrigued by who you are. Without stripping off the mask, let's get a glimpse of the manash behind the mask. Slum book time!

Favorite color? orange (mas neon mas maganda)
Favorite flavor? sweet and sour (sala sa tamis sala sa asim)
Favorite local actor? (as in magaling kasi sa acting) I would give credits to raymond bagatsing and pen medina
Local actress? maricel soriano
Foreign actor? dustin hoffman, russel crowe
Foreign actress? nicole kidman
Nora or Vilma? nora
Whitney or Mariah? whitney
Christina or Britney? cristina
Latest movie you've watched and actually liked? CLOSER
Latest book you've finished reading? Memoirs of a Geisha by arthur golden
If you can have a local celebrity as a jowa, who would it be and why? waaaaaaaaa. kelangan talaga may ganitez na shornong ever! shet! DREW ARELLANO, wala lang, nakaka-migraine kasi ang presensiya niya at siyempre mas masarap siya i-desplay!
Favorite vacation spot in the Philippines? VIGAN
Your dream vacation spot? CARRIBEAN, (basta sa maraming european na madaling ma-enlababo sa mga exotic people)
Favorite ticklish spot on your body? sa tagiliran
Favorite body part of a guy? nota! echos! of course given na yon! aside from that (virginal mode) the ABS.
The strangest place you've had sex? sa jilalim ng altar ng simbahan ng isang sectarian college.
Punyeta, hindi ko yun kinaya! Name three things which turn you on? the ABS, the WIT, the JAWLINE
Name three things which turn you off? the EGO, the tinnie-winnie SIZE, the TIYAN.

McV: Haaay, ang harsh! Okey, tama na yan, mag-graduate naman tayo.

Many readers find Third Sex In The City not just entertaining but more importantly, inspiring. How do you feel about being a source of inspiration—and maybe emulation—of other gays?

BERNZ: In fairnezz, nakakahipo talaga siya. az in. yung mga ganong messages, even in my email, I receive some. Yung feeling na ang gaan (parang ivory) . . . i mean, when i read these messages, i'll smile, then, the hairs on the back of my head would suddenly rise . . . then i'll let out a heavy sigh . . . tapos yon .. sobrang sarap. not to the extent na i feel great coz I am being admired, dahil promise, sa real world . . . . eh titiklup sa 'ken si Maria Clara sa pagkademure . . . . unlike other gays (majority ng kilala ko) eh may spotlight syndrome. ako hindi, masaya na ako sa isang sulok.

anyway, it feels great talaga. and besides, siguro i am just doing my share of responsibility as a part of the gay community, by sharing the story of my life to the first, second, third, fourth, to the nth sex out there . . . . and in that way, i feel na i contributed na. sinu-sino lang ba ang magtutulungan kundi tayez. di vez?

McV: Kung hindi tayo, sino? Kung hindi ngayon, kelan?! Ibagsak ang imperialismong HETERO! (Etchos.)

Pang Miss U at KMU ang answer mo, sister! Hahaha. Ahem, okey, moving on....

For you to attract a Varsity Captain, you must be a gorgeous guy. Aside from your mother, do you hear that a lot from others? :-)

BERNZ: no.

i'm not gorgeous.

when it comes to that department . . . ahahaha . . . . . parang tagilid akez. 'echoz.

varsity captain was attracted to my charm and irresistible charisma. LOL.

seriously, no . . . hindi po ako gorgeous . . .

keri lang . . . . pero wit AYYYY! KERIIII!

McV: Ok, you're not gorgeous, you're KERI, hahaha. Have you considered having kids in the future?

BERNZ: kids . . .? teka ha magto-throw up lang ako . . . . choz!

well ngayon, wala pa talaga akong plans . . . i mean wala talaga, i wouldn't if I'm within a 5 kilometer radius of a naked pukersia.

pero . . i'm optimistic about it, the having kids part not the making the kids part . . . pero ngayon hindi ko pa siya iniisip . . . .

meron na kong volunteers na surrogate mothers, just in case.

McV: Yeah, you seem to have a lot of female fans. Are you a fag-hag magnet, or do women just see them in you?

BERNZ: I have a lot of female friends. but most of them are not fag-hags . . . . most them have me as their only gay friend. And I'm not a fag-hag magnet . . . . trust me . . . . . hehehehe . . .

I do not know exactly what they see in me . . . my friends . . . . i think they just see in me the girl that they can never come to be.

McV: Speaking of friends, how do feel about fuck-buddies?

BERNZ: I am pro-fuck-buddies, though I never had one. More one-night-stands . . . more on casual sex, kasi I never had the courage to have sex with a person constantly, without having any special feelings for him. Kasi sa 'ken mas may variation mas maganda. Madali akong magsawa . . . . hindi pwedeng adobo at adobo na lang ang ulam.

McV: Pero paano yan kapag magka-boyfriend ka na? It'll be like adobo republic forever.

BERNZ: hahaha.

well yun nga lang dilemma 'dun. but the thing is. right now ang theory ko sa future jowaers ko eh less on sex. i mean. like my question before. how important ba yung sex sa isang relationship? through time, i found my answer, it is important but it is not "the" priority. Anyway, kung adobo republic forever eh kiver lang . . . as long as alam kong may isang luluking, nag-iisip sa 'ken . . . . sa bawat oras . . . . sa bawat sigundo. . . . at sasabihin sa buong mundo . . . . . na mahal niya ako . . . . . .(and now that's better than a good SEX!)

McV: I think you found something that's really "better than sex", and it's not a chocolate cake, it's adobo.

Okay, how about threesomes? Have you done it before? If not, are you open to the idea?

BERNZ: hahaha . we'r getting deeper ha . . . . .

well ... i was caught between two guys . . . once, a couple of years somewhere in pangasinan, sa beach ito . . . . may commercial shoot kame for DOLE (juice), there are a couple of local guys helping us for the errands. after ng shoot eh inuman ng slight . . . . together with the local guys . . . . hindi lang naman akez ang veklus . . . . but then, hindi ako nagpakabog. . ang funny ng story, i have to write this down.

hayun, ininvite nilang 2 ako for a walk. until we end up sa isang batuhan sa dulo ng beach. i had two holes in my body filled at one time. hahahaha

tapos, meron pa eh . . . . 'nung college pa lang ako . . .

trip lang namen. umatak kami dun sa tinatawag na "bakahan" sa CCP. well, nagpahada lang naman ako . . . pero ang ending eh konek na dots ang naging labanan . . .

should i still say kung ano ang take ko about the subject? Hehe

McV: Dios ko, hindi na sister. "Take it, take it" ko na, hahaha!

Going deeper still... If you HAD to choose one (or else not choosing one will mean the end of the world), who will you have sex with: Borgy Manotoc, pero laila-dee lang siya’t may halitosis pa; or Dagul, pero hayop siya mag-BJ at kumangks? (At bawal i-choose ang Death!)

BERNZ: maski mag ecsema pa si BORGY . . . . si BORGY! maski may jutok pa ang lolo mo. si BORGY pa ren!!!!

hahahaha.

McV: Hahaha! Tip, sister: if you’re going to an event where he’s there, make sure you wear a t-shirt that says something cool. Like this:

Maglagay ba daw ako ng picture ko, hahaha! Speaking of pictures, will you ever consider coming out on-line, meaning revealing your real name and showing your picture?

BERNZ: Well, siguro as of the moment, hindi ko pa sure kung kekerihin ko pang i-reveal ang sarili ko on-line . . . but in special cases . . . . in the real world . . . . meron namang tinatawag na lukso ng dugo . . . . makikilala at makikilala 'nyo rin naman ako.

Just remember, I may not be with you physical or mentally, i'm there spiritually in your hearts always reminding you, B.A.L.I.W.A.G - Beauty and Love I Will Always Give, P.A.R.A.N.A.Q.U.E - Please Always Remain Adorable, Nice And Quiet Under Ecstacy and finally, remember, P.H.I.L.I.P.P.I.N.E.S - Pumping Hot...I Love It! Please, Please...I Need Erotic Stimulation!

McV: How about CZECHOSLOVAKIA: Closed Zippers Entice Cunt Holes Of Sexy Lasses Offering Virginal And Kinky Instant Amusement?

BERNZ: aaay. hindi ko bet yan! pang-bilatsinabelles. allergic akez sa seafoods.

McV: Sige, ending na. Mag mala-Miss U tayo. If you had one inspiring thing to say to your many adoring gay fans, what would you tell them? (TRANSLATOR: "Kung meron kang nakaka-inspire evur na iispluk sa mga judinggerz na starstruck fans mesh, anitch ang iispluk mesh?")

BERNZ: (looks at the crowd. left side. right side. the center. bows the head a little lower. Smiles. makes hawi the ear behind the ears)

(checks if the mic is on)

Ammmmm.

(giggles)

First and foremost, I would like to greet everybody a good evening, or good morning or good afternoon, wherever you are. I would also like to thank the board of judges for choosing me.

Can I read the question again?

“Kung meron kang nakaka-inspire evur na iispluk sa mga judinggerz na starstruck fans mesh, anitch ang iispluk mesh?”

Because of this, isa lang po ang masasabi ko, hindi ispesyal ang buhay ko dahil bading ako. I am the same as everyone of you here tonight in Araneta. We are one. We are one. We are the same. Ito po ang buhay ko. At hindi lang po ito buhay ng isang bakla. Isa po itong buhay ng isang tao because I really do believe that pag ang palay binayo . . . . BIGAS!

I thank you.

McV: No, Bernz, we all thank you!