Brokeback (And A Look Back)

I just saw the trailer of Ang Lee’s latest movie, Brokeback Mountain. It’s about two cowboys, played by eye-candies Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger, who meet and fall in love while working at a Wyoming ranch.

Oh. My. God.

Okay, never mind that the two actors are so gorgeous to look at, you can be forgiven for not noticing the breathtaking Wyoming landscape in the background. What got me was how manly Ang Lee treated the love between two men. It looked and felt like a love between two men, not between two girly men (the un-PC term would be “faggots”—hwek, hwek, hwek). But seriously, it brought back memories of my early fantasies back when I was barely into my teens.

At first I fantasized falling for all these hunky men (usually TV characters). Then we met our neighbor, Nes. He was several years older than me and my brother, and it showed in his body—his chest was full of hair, he was muscular in a natural way (as opposed to a gym-toned body), and he smelled all-man. He also preferred to go around their house shirtless. I remember getting jealous because Nes clicked more with my older brother than with me. They bonded on basketball, toy soldiers and the guitar; I contented myself with playing third wheel. When Nes entered high school I saw less and less of him and focused on my classmates instead. Whenever we’d finish intramurals and we’d all be dressing up in the classroom, I reveled in the sights and smells of sweaty straights stripping down. I fantasized about making the ones I fancied fall for me.

Jeez. No wonder for the longest time I was a straight-chaser.

Nowadays I know better than to fall for straight guys. Sure, I can love them as friends. But no way will I make any effort to turn one to “the dark side of the Force” (that’s what my straight friends call “turning gay”). Still a movie like Brokeback Mountain may just make me want to revisit my childhood fantasies one more time.

Must! Watch! Movie!